tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post3538657029615893482..comments2023-09-23T02:16:11.746-06:00Comments on Thoughts from a Foster Family: Guilty Confessions of a Foster ChildYondallahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-57483002513523871492007-09-15T19:29:00.000-06:002007-09-15T19:29:00.000-06:00sarsmile, it was you! i remember reading it and t...sarsmile, it was you! i remember reading it and thinking, oh yes that's how ut's going to be for a long, kong time! yondalla, twern't me, i didn't say it, i just thunk it! frankie and his dad have been on my mind since i read this post. it is just so sad, and so much for a kid to be carrying around. nmo wonder he is ten and his transgender questionings are sort of jumbled up in with all the guilt. if i understand the timeline, he had these thoughts before he want to live with dad. didn't his sister give him some clothes? so it seems to me that the girl quest kind of got lost somewhere in the massive guilt of the kid about his dad. so he decided to hide in a ten year old. am i making sense here?cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12871824703791165363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-46810433733049084162007-09-15T15:11:00.000-06:002007-09-15T15:11:00.000-06:00I think it might have been me - or maybe Cathy and...I think it might have been me - or maybe Cathy and I had the same idea at the same time. I do think sometimes it's easier to see patterns from a bit of a distance.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure whether to be happy he is able to express his feelings, or sad to see it all come bursting out. He does sound like the type of person who needs to be able to process things out loud - which I relate to because I'm like that myself. I hope he is able to start making sense of all this, but I suspect it may take some time.sarsmilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00723926033866806632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-68209736221567352412007-09-15T15:05:00.000-06:002007-09-15T15:05:00.000-06:00i think i said it, sounds like me....but, wow! po...i think i said it, sounds like me....but, wow! poor baby, he certainly is a survivor. get ready, it will probably continue to come in spurts like that. the ability of children to rewrite history and justify things in their minds to make things ok for their parents has always amazed me. people talk about the love of a mother for her child, they need to look at the love of these neglected, abused and traumatized children for their parents! i have learned that you can't always depend on mother love, but child love, that's a given. hang in there my friend, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!cathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12871824703791165363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-53963185459918873952007-09-15T14:47:00.000-06:002007-09-15T14:47:00.000-06:00Frankie's dad is definitely in the "mixed" categor...Frankie's dad is definitely in the "mixed" category. I know his challenges, and though I would not leave a child in his care, I also would not condemn him.Yondallahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-65341952850882874022007-09-15T14:24:00.000-06:002007-09-15T14:24:00.000-06:00One of the hardest things in my work is listening ...One of the hardest things in my work is listening to kids talk about their parents. Usually, I know the parents as well as I know the kid, and usually, I can see the strengths and weaknesses of all of them. Kids though usually go to one extreme or the other when talking about their parents--they talk about them as either all bad or all good. For me, hearing the "all bad" point of view is just as difficult as hearing the "all good," because the fact is that the parents DO have strengths as well as weaknesses, and almost always feel love for their children, and don't want things to be the way they are. Especially when you know the parents' own history of trauma, it is difficult to hear the kids talk about them as all bad. But it takes years and years and years for kids to integrate the good and bad, and mostly all we can do is witness the process.processhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11896815941859100568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-70894311669929896752007-09-15T13:42:00.000-06:002007-09-15T13:42:00.000-06:00First, it wasn't me who predicted the BAM. My thin...First, it wasn't me who predicted the BAM. My thinking is that the trans-gender issue is really tied up in the trauma.<BR/><BR/>Second, I really feel for this kid. The emotions he must be feeling are overwhelming to read about, I can't even fathom actually feeling them. He's had a lot of trauma. <BR/><BR/>I really commend the way you parent him, listening and being supportive even when you want so badly to make him understand how bad things really were. I was just telling someone the other day that it is one of the most difficult aspects of foster care; wanting to scream "Your parent was a no good (insert adjective here) who hurt you and I can't stand him/her" when what you really need to say is just what you did, "He/she loved you very much!" AUGH!Kerryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09235941490505824539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-81611494660709329522007-09-15T12:03:00.000-06:002007-09-15T12:03:00.000-06:00I know almost exactly, what you mean about how inc...I know almost exactly, what you mean about how incredible our kids can be.<BR/><BR/>Damn.<BR/>Hugs to you all, keeping Frankie in my thoughts and in my hopes.<BR/>Good for you.Gawdesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09646113157120724047noreply@blogger.com