tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post3364645627821811193..comments2023-09-23T02:16:11.746-06:00Comments on Thoughts from a Foster Family: Too many possibilitiesYondallahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-7938078211821430032008-05-27T11:55:00.000-06:002008-05-27T11:55:00.000-06:00WOW- so much in just a few days- I agree with othe...WOW- so much in just a few days- I agree with others- and yourself- the courts aren't just going to give him back just because he says NOW he wants him. I am sure they will get a case plan together for him as well as more visitation- parenting etc.. if he has history of storming out of court and such- who knows what the cw will tack on to his plan. Reunification sounds great but be sure the system will make it difficult- in this situation it sounds like they should. For you? Hugs! This is tough!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08367614478917963052noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-72294487551211179452008-05-27T11:13:00.001-06:002008-05-27T11:13:00.001-06:00I think regardless, its a lose/lose situation for ...I think regardless, its a lose/lose situation for Gary.<BR/><BR/>If he goes "home" with his Dad, then he runs the risk of being dumped again. The major reason kids do better in foster care and then crash in the birth home (causing a re-entry to foster care) is largely because the circumstances in the birth home rarely change.<BR/><BR/>So Gary is losing what would be a very positive family environment, where he would be loved and accepted, taught a proper marraige model (commitment, endurance, patience, etc as opposed to divorce on a whim) and most importantly, not always face a list of past offenses at every beck and call.<BR/><BR/>But at the same time if he stays with Yondalla, he in theory "loses" his chance at reuniting with his bio fam. And I think every foster kid dreams of re-uniting with the bio fam, no matter how horrid the life was there.<BR/><BR/>I'm seeing other issues, too. Dad has other kids with step-mom. What happens during his visitation weekends/weeknights? If Gary can't be around the youngers for whatever reason, then will he be dumped in respite for those visits? Not a good way to build a positive family dynamic.<BR/><BR/>What about the fact that I'm guessing he has no relationship with the youngers? (No mention of visits with them) How is that supposed to just start? You know step-mom has poisoned the well so to speak.<BR/><BR/>I'm with the other poster- I'm guessing its a move to a "real" family as opposed to institution/group home that has the dad freaked out. He's making the typical Birth Parent foster care promises- I'll do it all- without thinking it through.<BR/><BR/>I would be very surprised if it plays out as it appears right now. There's just too many little details that would seem impossible.<BR/><BR/>But, I've been wrong before. <BR/><BR/>If you have input, Yondalla, on the safety plan meeting as part of "going home with Dad", I would ask what the plan was when Dad is visiting the youngers. And I would ask to confirm that step-mom is going to allow the youngers to be around Gary. It would be very tragic for the whole "transition home" thing to happen only to find out 3 weeks later that stepmom has taken Dad to court to end visitation because she doesn't want Gary around, and Dad deciding that not having shared custody of those kids will make his child support double, so screw Gary, send him back and focus on the little ones.Stacie Guesswork (aka Mrs Butter B)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17009516649727981277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-50862298187598000482008-05-27T11:13:00.000-06:002008-05-27T11:13:00.000-06:00I think regardless, its a lose/lose situation for ...I think regardless, its a lose/lose situation for Gary.<BR/><BR/>If he goes "home" with his Dad, then he runs the risk of being dumped again. The major reason kids do better in foster care and then crash in the birth home (causing a re-entry to foster care) is largely because the circumstances in the birth home rarely change.<BR/><BR/>So Gary is losing what would be a very positive family environment, where he would be loved and accepted, taught a proper marraige model (commitment, endurance, patience, etc as opposed to divorce on a whim) and most importantly, not always face a list of past offenses at every beck and call.<BR/><BR/>But at the same time if he stays with Yondalla, he in theory "loses" his chance at reuniting with his bio fam. And I think every foster kid dreams of re-uniting with the bio fam, no matter how horrid the life was there.<BR/><BR/>I'm seeing other issues, too. Dad has other kids with step-mom. What happens during his visitation weekends/weeknights? If Gary can't be around the youngers for whatever reason, then will he be dumped in respite for those visits? Not a good way to build a positive family dynamic.<BR/><BR/>What about the fact that I'm guessing he has no relationship with the youngers? (No mention of visits with them) How is that supposed to just start? You know step-mom has poisoned the well so to speak.<BR/><BR/>I'm with the other poster- I'm guessing its a move to a "real" family as opposed to institution/group home that has the dad freaked out. He's making the typical Birth Parent foster care promises- I'll do it all- without thinking it through.<BR/><BR/>I would be very surprised if it plays out as it appears right now. There's just too many little details that would seem impossible.<BR/><BR/>But, I've been wrong before. <BR/><BR/>If you have input, Yondalla, on the safety plan meeting as part of "going home with Dad", I would ask what the plan was when Dad is visiting the youngers. And I would ask to confirm that step-mom is going to allow the youngers to be around Gary. It would be very tragic for the whole "transition home" thing to happen only to find out 3 weeks later that stepmom has taken Dad to court to end visitation because she doesn't want Gary around, and Dad deciding that not having shared custody of those kids will make his child support double, so screw Gary, send him back and focus on the little ones.Stacie Guesswork (aka Mrs Butter B)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17009516649727981277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-82459774646987055002008-05-27T08:56:00.000-06:002008-05-27T08:56:00.000-06:00I have to say that I find Gary's father's conduct ...I have to say that I find Gary's father's conduct a little disturbing. I mean he <I>did</I> decide that Gary couldn't come home, and essentially chose his new wife and stepchildren over his own son.<BR/><BR/>The fact that Gary's father wasn't cruel is almost immaterial. I have to wonder about his own ability to function as a parent when he would make the kinds of decisions he made. Granted, I realize there is a lot more to the story than what you are able to share on the blog, but I think that if his father had <I>really</I> wanted his son, there were things he could have done to make it happen.<BR/><BR/>All I can say is that I recognize how sad and upsetting this must be for all of you. Feel a hug. I wish I had something better to say.FosterAbbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431773317761777407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-52609576300628665652008-05-26T21:10:00.000-06:002008-05-26T21:10:00.000-06:00It's so complicated. I hope that his Dad carries t...It's so complicated. I hope that his Dad carries through with his promises. But it sounds like Gary fits well with you and it would suck if he went home only to find things didn't work out there.SassyCupcakeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06093736219562358428noreply@blogger.com