tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post2098995795387991894..comments2023-09-23T02:16:11.746-06:00Comments on Thoughts from a Foster Family: Let's Hear It For the GirlsYondallahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-51154382667239325422009-04-21T18:50:00.000-06:002009-04-21T18:50:00.000-06:00I am much less conflicted by the idea that we're s...I am much less conflicted by the idea that we're saying "Yes, please, give us a black child!" than displaying a preference for boys, even though there are legal issues involved with race-matching. It just seems obvious that while living just outside a major metropolis with one black mom would be a good fit for many white kids, it's just so much better than living way out in the country where everyone's white would be for a non-white kid that it's unlikely we'd end up with a white kid. Others in similar situations have, but we and all our workers are operating under the assumption that we should be parenting a black child. This isn't really a response, but I have lots of tangled thoughts about all these issues.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-75638649108251024412009-04-21T16:42:00.000-06:002009-04-21T16:42:00.000-06:00It seems pertinent to me!
I really appreciate eve...It seems pertinent to me!<br /><br />I really appreciate everyone contributing to the conversation. <br /><br />It's tough especially for people who are being matched. On one hand, thinking in generalities is so wrong, on the other it is the only way the matches can be done.<br /><br />I don't know how to remedy that.Yondallahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-13011760190266980532009-04-21T16:12:00.000-06:002009-04-21T16:12:00.000-06:00Thanks for writing this. It's something I've thoug...Thanks for writing this. It's something I've thought and thought and thought about. At this point we're still focusing on a boy because it's Lee's strong preference based on her personal history, and I want to make things as easy as possible for her. <br /><br />I can't speak from experience here, but just looking at how some foster parents in this area talk and definitely looking at photolisting writeups, it seems to me that kids in care particularly get pushed into the gender binary. Even a girl who loves science and playing softball is going to also have a section about how she loves to shop and get her hair done. I think girls are made "girlier" and boys more rough-and-tumble so that they can be considered acceptable. I don't know to what extent the kids themselves take these expectations to heart, but I have a feeling that's part of what's going on too.<br /><br />I tried to post this before work this morning and it didn't go. I'm sending it anyway even though it's not especially pertinent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-85955214555750758552009-04-21T07:54:00.000-06:002009-04-21T07:54:00.000-06:00I confess to limited experience here as well. I h...I confess to limited experience here as well. I have 3 boys, a 2 y/o daughter and a former f. dau (Rob's bio sis) that are in our life. I also have nieces in my life. What I see in girls (even my 2 y/o) is that they hold onto their anger in ways boys don't. Boys--at least mine--blow up and move on. They do that physical thing, throw a ball around, stomp around, but they are not into glowering for hours or days. Girls in my life seem more able and eager to do this. And even my 2 y/o diva darling seems amazingly able to remember a real or imagined slight and extract revenge at a future date! <br /><br />Like you though, this is a far from scientific sampling.Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02333788218398458127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-23128819747406903622009-04-21T06:22:00.000-06:002009-04-21T06:22:00.000-06:00Girls, in my experience, are horribly difficult to...Girls, in my experience, are horribly difficult to raise. Don't know if it's because I'm a guy, or because they are objectively more difficult, or because the moon really isn't made of green cheese.<br /><br />But it doesn't matter. Women fascinate me, and that very much extends to teens and even younger. I wouldn't have them any other way. Otherwise they'd probably be boring.Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12565391786475786128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-27091205802108758802009-04-21T06:16:00.000-06:002009-04-21T06:16:00.000-06:00Maybe it's partly because the people who are doing...Maybe it's partly because the people who are doing the reporting are women, who are experiencing the direct gender rebellion? I'm explaining it badly, but in my (limited) experience, teenage girls push against mom and justify it by becoming best buds with dad; and teenage boys push against dad but get no identity benefits by pushing against mom. Mom's the one who communicates with other moms, et voila! girls are difficult, boys just get into this alpha stuff with dad but they're really so sweet if only the guys could work things out...jenniebeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16835396908376825004noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-873266556834022382009-04-20T23:31:00.000-06:002009-04-20T23:31:00.000-06:00Thanks for this post.
Remember, what is easy for ...Thanks for this post.<br /><br />Remember, what is easy for one might be harder for someone else. Also, saying it is easier doesn't mean it is more rewarding!<br /><br />Laura (who is for some reason terrified of parenting boys)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-37388874586969420942009-04-20T21:46:00.000-06:002009-04-20T21:46:00.000-06:00Ah, in my inexperienced opinion, I think it all es...Ah, in my inexperienced opinion, I think it all essentially boils down to individual personality. I have two boys: both are six, both have a similar history, both have similar interests, similar diagnoses, but one is infinitely easier than the other to raise. Both are a joy, don't get me wrong. But incredibly different. As for girls, I can't even go there LOL Maybe someday I will be able to speak of more well-rounded experiences...but I still find myself falling into stereotypes and forcing myself back out of them. Why can't my boys like pink and cooking? Why can't my daughter be into cars? No reason really. But I still have to bite my tongue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-29388591548084983932009-04-20T21:29:00.000-06:002009-04-20T21:29:00.000-06:00I really, really appreciate this post! It is so im...I really, really appreciate this post! It is so important to say these things out loud, and to be mindful of how we may or may not treat the girls and the boys differently. (Parents AND teachers need to think about this.) <br /><br />I have two bio kids, a girl and a boy. I have had to think about these same issues... one of my kids was a much bigger challenge to raise. Do I make generalizations about that entire gender, or do I say it's just that person's personality? I have had to think about those things over and over. And even from birth, my kids seemed to fit into gender sterotypes, no matter how hard I tried to be "fair." So it was something to think about from day one... and is a fascinating and important topic. Thanks for your thoughts.Carol E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02741550863747328734noreply@blogger.com